What wears couples down after marriage is money, housework, parenting, and living with parents. 

Marriage matching often starts with chemistry and first impressions. What tends to strain a relationship after the wedding is not a lack of affection. It is how each person wants daily life to work.

In this article, “living together” means living with parents, not simply whether a couple will share one home. Some people want a two-generation household. Some want to live near parents, but not under the same roof. Some cannot accept living with their own parents or with in-laws.

If those preferences stay unspoken, it is easy to keep dating someone who only seems like a good match. If you put your own preferences into words before you join an agency, you can look for someone whose life design is closer to yours.

What this article covers

• Why relationships often strain for reasons other than infidelity

• Why money, housework, parenting, and living with parents sit underneath “incompatibility”

• Why the hardest questions are usually postponed

• How naming your preferences before enrollment improves matching

• Why Marriage Matching Japan asks the same questions at registration

Is infidelity the main reason relationships fall apart?

Infidelity is the reason people picture first. In Japan’s family-court statistics, the most common stated motive in marital cases is “we do not get along,” not an affair. Extra-marital relationships appear among the top reasons, but they are not first.

On the wife’s side, unpaid living expenses, emotional harm, and violence often follow incompatibility. On the husband’s side, incompatibility is especially common, followed by emotional strain, affairs, and overspending.

The point is not to make marriage hunting feel grim. It is this: before you meet someone, the useful checklist is not only age, city, and income. It is how you want to live, including whether you will live with parents.

 What does “incompatibility” actually mean?

“Incompatibility” sounds vague. In practice it is usually daily life.

• Do you want to live with your own parents?

• Could you live with your partner’s parents?

• How will you share living costs, savings, and spending?

• Do you want to be hands-on with children, or leave more to your partner?

• How should housework be divided?

• Can you relocate for work or family, and if so, how far?

Affection can still be there. If the blueprint is different, fatigue arrives first. Living with parents is one of the points that looks small on a profile and large in real life. That blueprint belongs in an early marriage search.

Why don’t people name these preferences at the start?

Because the questions feel too early.

Living with parents, money, housework, parenting, and relocation are hard to raise before a first omiai. People worry the room will freeze, the timing will look rude, or a good impression will disappear. That reaction is normal.

The result is that dating moves on atmosphere and conditions. Life questions wait. Those postponed questions tend to appear after the relationship is already serious. Many mismatches could have been seen earlier if each person had already named what they want.

 What changes when you name your preferences before you join?

You can look for a closer match.

Once preferences are visible, the standard shifts from “Are the conditions close?” to “Could we share a household without constant friction?” Two people can be similar in age and city and still disagree about living with parents or about money. Two people can differ on one condition and still want the same kind of home life.

When your preferences are in words, a counselor can narrow introductions more accurately. You do not need a perfect match. It is enough to know what you will not compromise on and what you can decide together.

You also do not need to cover every topic at the first meeting. If you have already sorted your own answers, you can listen and tell whether the distance is small or large. That saves time on relationships that will not work.

Joining is not the goal. Clarifying your preferences before you join changes how you search afterward.

Five preferences worth putting into words

Your current answer is enough. It can change later.

1. Living with parents: Do you want to live with your own parents? Could you live with your partner’s parents? Do you prefer living nearby instead of in the same house?

2. Money: How will you pay living costs, save, and decide on large purchases?

3. Parenting: Do you want children? Do you want to be actively involved, and what would you leave to your partner?

4. Housework: How should chores be shared? How much will you do yourself? Would you use outside help?

5. Relocation: Can you leave your current city? If yes, within Kansai, elsewhere in Japan, or overseas?

When these five are written down, “the kind of person I can build a life with” becomes clearer. That personal blueprint should come before a long list of demands.

Why Marriage Matching Japan asks these questions at registration

Marriage Matching Japan is an IBJ-affiliated marriage agency based in Osaka, Kobe, and Kyoto. At registration we ask about your own preferences in concrete terms. We ask the same questions of the people we introduce.

Typical questions include:

• Do you want to live with parents, or not?

• How do you think about money and household finances?

• Do you want to be actively involved in parenting, or leave more to your partner?

• How do you want to share housework?

• Can you relocate, and if so, where?

We ask before you meet so we can introduce someone whose life preferences are closer to yours. The aim is not to reject people on rigid filters.

Close conditions and a close way of living are not the same thing. This agency focuses on the latter. Marriage is not the finish line. Daily life starts afterward, and living with parents is often part of that daily life in Japan.

The steps from registration to activity are explained on our how-it-works page.

Frequently asked questions

Can I have a consultation if my preferences are not decided yet?

Yes. Not knowing is useful information. As you talk, “I cannot compromise on this” and “I want to decide this with a partner” become clearer. You do not need a finished list.

 If I get too specific, will I get fewer introductions?

If you first name only the points you will not give up, the number of matches may drop, but the quality usually rises. Treating every preference as mandatory shrinks the pool too far. In consultation we separate “must” from “nice to have.”

 Is it too early in your 20s to talk about living with parents or relocation?

Not if you are thinking about marriage. People in their 20s and 30s often face job changes, transfers, distance from parents, future caregiving, and shifting views on children. Sharing direction early reduces time spent on a poor fit.

 Do I need an agency to sort out my preferences?

No. Writing the five items on paper already helps. An agency adds a second step: we confirm the same points with the other person before an introduction.

Is it rude to discuss living with parents at a first meeting?

You do not need to cover everything the first time. If your own preferences are already clear, you can follow the other person’s pace. The goal is a personal compass, not a rushed interrogation.